Crazy Grants : July 12th

Alcohol Research Resource Awards	$500,000
Research alcohol.
34th America's Cup	$1,300,000
Provide fencing, signs, parking management, and litter collection for a private boat race.
Fish Community Assessment in Eastern Rivers and Mountains Network and Integration with Existing Monitoring Data	$67,000
Maintain a fish database.
FY13 Coral Reef Conservation Program Domestic Coral Reef Conservation Grants	$50,000
Coral reef preservation.
FY13-14 CRCP State and Territorial Coral Reef Conservation Cooperative Agreements	$500,000
Coral reef preservation. Yeah. Just like the grant before this, except ten times more.
Fiscal Year 2013 NOAA Gulf of Mexico Bay-Watershed Education and Training (B-WET) Program	$100,000
This is money for "an environmental education program that promotes locally relevant, experiential learning in the K-12 environment."
Species Recovery Grants to States (Section 6 Program)	$600,000
Money to study, count, or design conservation programs for water animals that are endangered, no longer endangered, candidates for the endangered list, or proposed to be candidates to be on the endangered species list. Basically money for anything involving animals in the water.
FY13 Species Recovery Grants to Tribes	$100,000
Just like the previous grant except this is money for American Indian tribes to study, count, or design conservation programs for water animals that are endangered, no longer endangered, candidates for the endangered list, or proposed to be candidates to be on the endangered species list. Basically money for anything involving animals in the water.
BLM CA Conservation Lands Foundation 15.231	$200,000
Unable to decipher the proposal to know what the grant money is for. It is from the Bureau of Land Management. Amusing stipulation in the grant agreement: 7. Increasing Seat Belt Use - Recipients of grants/cooperative agreements and/or sub-awards are encouraged to adopt and enforce on-the-job seat belt use policies and programs for their employees when operating company-owned, rented, or personally owned vehicles. These measures include, but are not limited to, conducting education, awareness, and other appropriate programs for their employees about the importance of wearing seat belts and the consequences of not wearing them.
BLM CA Conservation Lands Foundation 15.225	$200,000
Same as previous grant above.
Cooperative Forest and Resource Management	$100,000
Benefit the public through: woodland restoration fuels reduction ( benefit the public by making them use less fuel? ) watershed and wetlands protection invasive species management ( benefit the public by killing animals? )
Specialized Heavy Vehicle Inspection Study	$90,000
Conduct a study to see if companies that exceed commercial vehicle weight limits violate other safety regulations. Sounds like an excuse to look for more violations.
California Tiger Salamander Larval Density and Survival at Natural and Created Breeding Pools	$20,000+
Part of an 11 year study to create baseline data of the density of California Tiger Salamander larval density and survival in natural and artificial environments. After that, will this be used to dictate land use and environmental policies if densities vary year from year?
Sacramento Orcutt Grass	$25,000
Plant Sacramento Orcutt Grass on several protected sites. Planting Grass!
Today's Crazy Grants Total	$3,852,000+
Today's Grants.gov Total	$77,740,000+

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Crazy Grants : July 11th

Stabilize Archeological and Historic Artifacts	$38,000+
Stop artifacts from rotting or corroding. Call me crazy, but couldn't these be donated to the Smithsonian, get treated, then loaned back out to the local museum?
BLM WY Dendrochronology In Whoopup Canyon ACEC	$15,000
Use dendrochronology to document fire history of Whoopup Canyon. Sound fancy? What is dendrochronology? Analyzing tree rings. Count tree rings and document the burnt ones. This is important enough for a government grant with the deficit we have because of ... why?
NAWCA U.S. Small Grants	$3,000,000
Reads like an environmentalist slush fund.
Today's Crazy Grants Total	$3,053,000+
Today's Grants.gov Total	$35,486,000+

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Crazy Grants : July 10th

Tobacco Centers of Regulatory Science for Research Relevant to the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act (P50)	$4,000,000
More research into how bad tobacco is so that it can be used in regulations policy.
Climate Change and Archeology in Northwest Alaska: Nuluk STudy	$47,000+
Study how in the past man reacted to climate change. Study how climate change will affect archaeological sites.
Strategic Trade Management Law Industry Outreach - Mongolia	$200,000
Influence Mongolia's trade laws.
Cooperative Ecosystem Studies Unit, Pacific Northwest CESU	$124,000+
Study Alaskan trout.
Fuel Tax Evasion Intergovernmental Enforcement Grants	$2,000,000
Find people evading the fuel tax. I can do that. One year later : Looks like everyone is honest. No evasion here. Can I have my money now?
Pacific States Marine Fisheries Commission - 100th Meridian Initiative	$49,000+
Don't let zebra mussels spread into the Columbia River Basin.
ADVANCE: Increasing the Participation and Advancement of Women in Academic Science and Engineering Careers	$9,900,000
Get more women into STEM ( Science, technology, engineering, & Mathematics ) because a lack of diversity means that those areas do not perform well. Also, teach everyone more women need to be in STEM otherwise STEM will suffer. STEM suffers if there is not enough vaginae in the field.
Computer and Network Systems (CNS): Core Programs	$60,000,000
Computer R&D. This should be handled by the private sector only. No place for government unless done internally in the intelligence community.
Computing and Communication Foundations (CCF): Core Programs	$100,000,000
Computer R&D. This should be handled by the private sector only. No place for government unless done internally in the intelligence community.
Information and Intelligent Systems (IIS): Core Programs	$100,000,000
Computer R&D. This should be handled by the private sector only. No place for government unless done internally in the intelligence community.
Nitrogen: Improving on Nature	$8,000,000
Good lawrd! The hubris of it all! Quote from the grant: The ultimate aim of this Ideas Lab between the National Science Foundation (NSF) in the US and the Biotechnology and Biological Sciences Research Council (BBSRC) in the UK is to help meet the challenge of sustainably producing enough food for a growing population while reducing pollution and greenhouse gas emissions. The grant is about greenhouse gasses resulting from the production of nitrogen in fertilizer and how unused nitrogen in run-off enters the environment. Warmer weather is GOOD for plants. CO2 is good for plants. Nitrogen is 78+% of the atmosphere. WTF is this really for?
Today's Total	$284,320,000+

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Crazy Grants : July 9th

Platte River Recovery and Implementation Program	$11,700,000
This is not an announcement for competition but intent to award the money to the Nebraska Community Foundation. The Nebraska Community Foundation is a charity. Why is the government giving our tax dollars to a charity?
Water Quality Monitoring in Montana	$475,000
Monitor water quality for the Bureau of Land Management. How is this not part of what they do? Why are they out-sourcing?
Social and Behavioral Interventions to Increase Solid Organ Donation	$1,250,000
Come up with ways to get more people to donate organs. This is EASY! Let people SELL their organs or bequeath them to their family for sale after their death! DONE! Can I have the $1,250,000 now?
Affordable Care Act - Maternal, Infant and Early Childhood Home Visiting Program	$12,000,000
Remember, ACA is ObamaCare. Funding "house calls" for the needy. Although it sounds like a good idea, it is the government getting involved in funding for people to go into your home. There are several types of families qualified for visits. One type of qualified family is where there is tobacco use. Another type of family is where the kids under-achieve in school. Sounds like ObamaCare weaseling into education.
CDC's National Undergraduate Student Program: A Public Health Workplace Experience to Increase Student Interest in Public Health	$3,200,000
MOST RASCIST GRANT EVER Only for : African American, Hispanic/Latino, Asian Americans, Native Hawaiian and other Pacific Islanders, or American Indian and Alaska Native. Within the CDC mission statement: The Institute of Medicine (IOM) has identified increasing the number of minority health professionals as a key strategy to eliminate health disparities. Diversity among health professionals improves access to care among racial and ethnic minorities, in regards to: patient choice and satisfaction, patient-clinician communication, health care quality, and certain other healthcare processes and outcomes. In other words, a person's race affects the quality of care they can give.
Today's Total	$28,625,000

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Crazy Grants : July 6th

Developing tools for detecting climate change impacts on birds and their habitats in Fish and Wildlife Service Region 2	$51,000
This is wildly unclear. The tools that are created are either data analysis tools with a web application interface or the fore said tools AND physical tool to measure the climate and bird population. Regardless, climate is a decades long cycle and success or failure won't be known for years.
Cougar Ridge Habitat Restoration	$0
Complete Official Description : "Restore 130 acres of upland habitat Klamath County OR" This could be many things. A test post, an incorrectly filled out post, or a brilliant ploy to get someone to work for free.
Spring Creek Fish Production Reprogramming	$130,000
Move production of tule fall Chinook from Spring Creek National Fish Hatchery to Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife's Bonneville Hatchery and don't release the fish so early.
Today's Total	$181,000

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Crazy Grants : July 5th

BLM OR-WA: Honey Creek Diversions Passage and Screening	$200,000
Improve passage ways for fish around irrigation diversions in the waterways. No mention of the fact that improved passageways could negatively affect irrigation. Next year might we see a grant to improve irrigation systems?
BLM OR-WA Population Monitoring and Effects of Grazing on Greene's Mariposa Lily on the Cascade-Siskiyou National Monument	$100,000
How do animals, insects, climate, and trends in plant communities affect the population of Greene's Mariposa Lily.
Redd Dewatering II	$155,000
Develop and implement a program which makes all reasonable efforts to at least double natural production of anadromous fish in Central Valley rivers and streams. If people meddle to double the population, is it natural anymore?
Whooping Crane Eastern Partnership : Tracking and Monitoring	$25,000
Tag and monitor whooping cranes.
Today's Total	$480,000

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Crazy Grants : July 3rd

Accelerating the Dispersal and Impact of the Predatory beetle Laricobius nigrinus	$60,000
This grant is to populate more of one insect to attack another. Haven't we heard all sorts of horror stories of man meddling by pitting one species against the other and things go horribly wrong? Cane toads? Chinese lady bugs?
Desert Bighorn Sheep and Mountain Lion Monitoring and Management	$250,000
More man meddling with nature. This involves collaring and tracking sheep and mountain lions to make sure not too many sheep are eaten.
Today's Total	$310,000

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Crazy Grants : July 2nd

Higher Education Multicultural Scholars Program	$990,000
The purpose of this competitive undergraduate scholarship grant program is to increase the multicultural diversity of the food and agricultural scientific and professional workforce. Multicultural diversity of the food?
Track II People-to-People Activities in South and Central Asia	$1,000,000
Competition to design people-to-people activities to strengthen Asia by including people from any two or more of the following countries: Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyz Republic, Maldives, Nepal, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, or Uzbekistan.
Vegetation Conditions of Sagebrush Habitat around Sage Grouse Leks	$75,000
Use data from 1992-3 to determine what the habitat was like for Sage-Grouse leks (birds).
Battle Mountain District Weed Treatment	$200,000
Weed removal and try to get the public to participate.
National Analysis of Grass Carp	$150,000
Prevent Grass Carp farmers from letting any loose into the wild.
Today's Total	$2,415,000

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Crazy Grants : June 29th

Civil Society Forward in Serbia	$7,000,000
Giving money to another country so that they can become civil. Really? This is a good way to spend money?
Tibet Education Project	$2,000,000
Money to pay for the education of Tibetan refugees in India and Nepal. Again, education money for other countries. I thought our education system needed more money.
Wild Horse and Burro Training, Adoption and Marketing Project	$40,000,000
Train wild horses and burros and give them up for adoption.
Wild Horse Partnerships for Eco-sanctuaries on Private Lands	$2,500,000
Create a partnership with private land owners to provide a sanctuary for wild horses.
Cooperative Agreement to Support Establishment of the Affordable Care Act's Health Insurance Exchanges	$0
No money to establish Health Care Exchanges according to the Affordable Care Act.
Land Ethic Leaders/Green Fire	$100,000
Make a documentary about about famed conservationist Aldo Leopold and his land ethic ideals.
Effects of Grazing on the Endangered Autumn Buttercup	$25,000
The tasks to be performed under this agreement are as follows: The primary objectives of this project are to determine whether small mammals are preferentially grazing on the buttercup, or if grazing and/or mowing is making a more suitable habitat for the buttercup by decreasing plant competition, and/or if grazing and/or mowing are making a more suitable habitat for buttercup by decreasing small mammal habitat.
International Collaborations in Organismal Biology Between US and Israeli Investigators	$2,500,000
Study biology. Literally. That is all it is.
Today's Total	$54,125,000

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Crazy Grants : June 28th

Humanitarian Assistance to Cuba	$6,000,000
There is an embargo on Cuba to make Communism unpleasant. Instead we will give them money for nothing. They don't have to work for it.
Digital Democracy	$6,000,000
"Digital Democracy" is intended to produce free flow of information to Cuba through the internet. Stated problems : few Cuban's have access ( less than 10% ), it is expensive, it is slow, it is censored. Throw money at the problem! Irony : SOPA, PIPA.
Cooperative Development of a Freshwater Contaminants Monitoring	$59,000+
Since the 1970's people have been able to monitor their pool water to see if it is safe to swim in. It is the year 2012 and the government doesn't know how to test water? Is there not some freshwater testing program already being used somewhere that can be copied? There must be because the EPA fines a whole lot of people!
Improving Coordinated Transportation Systems for Transportation Disadvantaged Populations	$1,000,000
I have no problem with helping disabled people, but this is a feel good bureaucratic double talk project. A lot of money to get disabled people to give their 2 cents about public transportation and determine out of all the communities across the U.S. who best serves the disabled. The idea is that this will be used to redesign public transportation to be more responsive to the disabled. Sounds good, but not likely.
Recovery activities for the endangered plant Nipomo Lupine	$44,000+
Nipomo Lupine is an endangered plant growing in the Guadalupe-Nipomo Dunes region where it is threatened by veldt grass, pocket gophers , and a proposed highway realignment for development. Someone is needed to plant more of these suckers in the Guadalupe-Nipomo Dunes region to avoid these threats, even though the recovery area is where the threats are in the first place. Huh?
River of Raptors Project Fall 2012	$48,000
Counting birds in Mexico. This isn't even for wildlife in the U.S.
Least Chub Habitat Sensitivity Study	$40,000
Measure and predict water levels. What for?
Texting ban Enforcement	$550,000
Advertisements and advertisement strategy for the texting ban where it applies. Doesn't this already exist? Don't you always hear "don't text and drive?"
Today's Total	$13,741,000+

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Crazy Grants : June 27th

BLM Washington Office Intern*	$200,000
Cowbird Control in the Santa Clara River	$30,000
Landbird Monitoring	$67,000+
Countering Violent Extremism Bangladesh Program	$1,200,000
Statistical Examination Presidential Pardons	$350,000
Federal White Collar Violations Statistical Series	$500,000
Today's Total	$2,347,000+

^*Split among 2 recipients. Will reflect the diversity of the Nation, so race based.

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Crazy Grants : June 26th

Where does the government spend our money? Check out grants.gov. Here are some crazy grants announced just today!

Genetic Identification of Western and Yosemite Toads and Intergrades	$94,000+
Preserve, protect, educate, and promote the public awareness of the Santa Fe Trail	$159,000+
English language micro-scholarships in Asuncion and San Lorenzo, Paraguay	$25,000
Building U.S.-India Connections through Dance	$75,000
Today's Total	$353,000+

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